During all my college years I worked a summer job at Philadelphia Electric Company. I was hired as a Junior Payroll Clerk, really as a summer replacement for those office workers who would be vacationing. I was assigned to the most menial tasks, where I couldn’t do any damage. So I glued shut all the envelopes containing checks for our 8,000 employees. My job was to do things like that. And did I have any status? Well, whenever the cleaning lady came in with her mop and bucket, I was the only one in our office who was required to stand up and salute her.

I loved all my fellow employees (including the cleaning lady). But the office supervisor took a distinct dislike of me. I could not understand the reason why. He never even smiled at my jokes, never spoke to me, avoided having anything to do with me. If given the opportunity, Frank would publicly put me down . After a while I grew to despise him.

One day I was having lunch with one of my fellow-employees. Charlie said to me, “Listen, each and every morning you come bopping into the office, all smiling and cheerful, telling us about your wonderful time the night before. But I happen to know this about our supervisor: Frank’s own personal life is terrible. He’s not married. He lives with his mother. Each night he comes home to a demanding critical mother. She monitors all his phone calls. If any woman calls to talk to him, she hangs up on her. Then he comes into the office the next morning and sees you, filled with laughter and merriment. And that makes him both jealous and depressed.”

That’s what my older co-worker, Charlie, shared with me. I suddenly understood. I felt Frank’s pain and despair. I saw both him and myself with greater clarity. I understood. It’s often been said, “To understand is to forgive.” That doesn’t mean that we necessarily agree with the other person; only that we understand and forgive. Understand?